I
have been waiting tables for almost nine years. It is through the endless
practice of human interaction that I have seen myself evolve from a person who
allows other people's behaviors, attitudes and appreciation (or lack thereof)
to affect my mental and emotional well being, to someone who has created a
strong enough understanding that the way people treat you is really just a
reflection of how they feel about themselves at that particular moment in time.
It is also true to me that you teach others, subconsciously, how to treat you
based on the way you feel about yourself. My 12th grade religion teacher taught
me that. Conflict still makes me feel weird and is always a very confusing time
for me. I still struggle with learning how to confront without attacking and
also how to not shut down in times where I *feel* like I am being attacked, but
as I reflect on my job slinging wings, I realize that despite my shortcomings,
I have learned a lot:
1. ) I learned to let it go. One
tip is never going to make or break me. In the service industry, we all
the know (and have been) the guy who gets $4 on a $100 check after being
treated like dirt for two hours. Sometimes, an entire shift will begin to
feel like volunteer work. Getting angry is the first step to letting that shit
go. I was always really good at that part. Drop some F bombs if you have to, no
one is going to judge you. What took me a while was coming to the liberating
idea that by taking a step back and offering myself the perspective of looking
at the big picture, (How much did I make, not today, but over the week or year?
How many kind, gracious people did I have the pleasure of coming across? How
great are my co-workers?!) it gives me an attitude of gratitude, which is
really all the "gratuity" I need.
2.) It is important to have a place
where you feel free. We joke
around at The Anchor Bar all the time that in order to work there you must be a
little bit crazy, and it is true. We use the term "crazy" but I
believe "free" is a much better way to, collectively, describe us. As
I am making my way into adulthood it is increasingly, painfully obvious that
people judge. We all judge. It seems as if our society is guarded behind some
false idea of perfection. Finding people who allow you the freedom to be less
than perfect is a blessing. Working in a restaurant tends to put so much short
term stress on a person, that the facade of perfection breaks very easily. A
bunch of people working together for years, under stress, with raw sense of
self and others allows for a celebration of acceptance not found in many other places
of employment. On a fundamental level, we commemorate authenticity.
Professionalism takes a back seat to the much needed escape from the idea of
perfection many of us live in, or at least live amongst.
3.) Love is all around. Serving tables can be physically,
mentally and emotionally draining. I was so exhausted and sensitive to rudeness
at one point I dreaded going into work. (Okay, many points, there have been
many, many points where I dreaded going into work. ) Instead of remaining miserable, I made the choice to start acknowledging acts of
love. With the restaurant being so close in proximity to Roswell and Buffalo
General, I started to realize how many patients, families and even members of
the healthcare team I have been serving. One evening a husband and a wife came
in and starting pounding beers and wings. They were clearly looking to ease
their suffering. With my new found openness and their beer buzz I became privy
to the fact that the woman had just found out she had a tumor and it *may* be
cancerous. After chatting for a bit, she said to me, while looking in her
husband's eyes, "I feel like I can handle anything with him by my
side." Tears rolled down the man's face (I was able to hold mine in until
I got to the kitchen) and he squeezed her hand as if to let her know she was
right, she could handle anything and he was by her side. That's fucking love.
Another time, there was a death in the family of two sisters who were working
when they got the news. Both of them we're searching for each other when the
news came in with tears in both of their eyes. When they finally met in the
kitchen, they grabbed onto each other and just held one another. Their pain, as
well as their love, was palpable. It seemed as if they we're the biggest
comfort each of them could have asked for in that moment. It was beautiful. It
was love. It is in these moments of love that I find sustenance for my soul as
a human being. And I bow deeply in gratitude every time I am fortunate enough
to be touched by them.
So, in
conclusion, these are the things that I have learned in order to be happy at
work and in life: Eat wings, let go, feel free, and always always always look
for love.
