What I have learned in my three years of parenthood

My husband, Matt, and I, presumably like most parents, have an ongoing discussion about child rearing.  Our son, Silas, is awesome, simply put. So, while we do a great deal of patting ourselves on the back, we know we are really just extremely blessed. Parenting is beyond rewarding, but is not for the faint of heart; The foundation for happiness for your child is pretty much in your hands and that is a lot of pressure. While I know that I have had my fair share of parental failures, overall I think I am doing pretty good. I have learned and unlearned so much about what it means to be the parent I strive to be and what I really want to instill in my child.  In the three years of being able to call myself a mother,  the top three things I have learned thus far are:

1.) Mommy and daddy are only human. Mommy has a temper and even though she hasn't quite gotten a hold of it (or the completely inappropriate vocabulary that goes along with it) in front of you does not mean she isn't still a somewhat decent, conscientious human being.  Daddy smokes cigarettes in front of you sometimes, but that does not take away the fact that in almost every other way he is a perfect example of what a man should be for you.  I don't ever want to force myself to be something solely because research shows that kids thrive when their parents do ABC and raise them with XYZ.  This does not mean I don't think that I should research and educate myself on where my child is developmentally. I want to be inspired by literature to improve myself as a mother. But, I want my son to see me on the uprise in all that I do, even at being a good mom. I want him to see the whole process of coming across an idea, entertaining it, reading about it, getting angry or emotional about the way this affects our world and our personal lives, carrying forward with it, or dismissing it. Then, I want him to see me try 100 times to walk the walk. I want him to see me succeed and fail equally. But, most importantly, I want him to see someone that is constantly reflecting, evolving, and improving. My well-being, and I truly believe his as well,  can't afford to play perfect, holding myself to impossible standards that will eventually break his heart when he learns I am not the woman I pretended to be.... which would have been, ironically, for his own contentment. 

2.) "I'm okay" is the absolute most powerful phrase that you can give to a young child.  We constantly remind Silas that no matter what circumstances he may find himself in, he is okay.  Oh no! You're sad? *hug hug kiss kiss* You're okay.... Oh no, a boo boo! *kiss kiss* You're okay... She pushed you away? That isn't cool. *hug hug* You're okay though. This is not to say that his feelings of sadness, pain or rejection should not be validated, they should be without question. We comfort hurt feelings with hugs, kisses and lots of love, but, I like to think that just as importantly, he is learning to let whatever is upsetting him go. No matter how bad he may feel, he will know that his beautiful spirit is untouchable so long as he understands he is "okay." I also feel that this simple affirmation lays the groundwork for being responsible for his own happiness and contentment, not allowing others to dictate his own personal well-being. Perhaps as he gets older I will notice a need for his feelings to be further explored, and you bet I will be by his side as he works through any emotional turmoil he encounters. For now, love and affirmations do the trick and set an invaluable foundation of him knowing that he is absolutely, positively okay. 

3.) Reflection is key. If I never thought about all the things I have done wrong at the end of every day, I would never improve. If I only thought about all the things I have done wrong at the the end of every day, I would just get worse. I used to hate the feeling of being angry.  I would ignore it until it would simply consume my train of thought. One time, during a ventilation session with a friend, she offered an empowering idea: "Anger means you are inspired." I still don't think it is the most pleasant feeling in the world, but I have learned to listen to what it means and where it is coming from. It almost always comes from a place of hurt, a place that needs love. Well, to quote Bradley Nowell, "lovin' is what I got (and it takes reflection to..) remember that." In order to evolve as an individual, a woman, a wife, a daughter, a friend and of course, as a mother, it is going to take a great deal of looking within to develop understanding. Through understanding, there is love. With love, all things are possible.

Silas has taught me more about myself in 3 years than I have learned in my previous 23 on this Earth. It is impossible to deny the beauty of life after seeing it through the eyes of a child. I look forward to continuing this wild ride with my wonderful family and cannot wait to see what other lessons are in store for us.